Bleach Bells
by MasterQwertster
Summary: Because 'Tis the Season and my mind is messed up. A super parody of Jingle Bells with different themes and other Christmas parodies. Marked as complete for seasonal/sporadic updates.
1. Arrancar Bells

**Arrancar Bells**

Dashing through the sand, killing everyone I see

O'er the dunes I go, laughing manically

The sand is turning red from all the freshly dead

All I want for Christmas is a working army

OH

Jingle bells

Ulquiorra smells, Yammy laid an egg

Grimmjow fried Szayelaporro

And Nel stole everyone's candy~~

* * *

**Author's Note**

Hey look, another Christmas carol parody. Actually it's a parody of a Christmas carol parody. Random thoughts just pop into my head sometimes. If my random mind feels like it I might do something like a shinigami and a Quincy version, depends on how crazy my thoughts go. Just so you know, Aizen sings the intro because it suits him.


	2. Shinigami Bells

**Shinigami Bells**

Dashing through the halls, trying to get away from crazy

O'er the walls I go, why won't you let me be

I get a feeling of dread, someone must be after my head

All I want for Christmas is to sleep safely in my bed

OH

Jingle bells

Kenpachi smells, Mayuri laid an egg

Kyoraku lost his sake stash

And Rangiku got away

* * *

**Author's Note**

I am on a terrifying Christmas carol parody spree. I purposefully didn't specify who's chasing who because there are too many people who would hunt someone else down in Seireitei. I don't know about you guys, but I could totally picture Mayuri doing something to himself so he can lay eggs. Just so you know, Rangiku stole Kyoraku's sake stash.

**Please comment/review**


	3. Ichigo Bells

**Ichigo Bells**

Dashing through the town, with a sword strapped to my back

O'er the roofs I go, looking for hollows to whack

I smash one o'er the head and now it is dead

All I want for Christmas is to spend a night in my bed

OH

Jingle bells

Uryu smells, Urahara laid an egg

I kicked my dad into the wall

And Kon ran away

* * *

**Author's Note**

It is ridiculous how many parodies I can make of one Christmas carol. Not to mention that it only takes like 5 or 10 minutes to figure one out. Yep, so this one is themed on Ichigo because substitute shinigami duties keep him busy.


	4. Vandenreich Bells

**Vandenreich Bells**

Dashing through the shadows, hide for a millennium

O'er the worlds we go, taking powers from them

Killing fodder left and right, put them in a miserable plight

All I want for Christmas is to rule the world by tonight

OH

Jingle bells

Shinigami smell, Arrancars now lay eggs

Haschwalth lost my favorite cape

And Uryu was taken away

* * *

**Author's Note**

Gah! I'm going freaking insane with so many parodies of Jingle Bells. It's like I start wondering how some character would do a Jingle Bells and then I have to write it. So this is Vandenreich, kinda a Yhwach themed version.


	5. Deck the Halls with Bleach

**Deck the Halls with Bleach**

Deck the halls with lots of bankais

Falalalalaaa lala la la

Tis the season to kick ass

Falalalalaaa lala la la

Don we now our fine shihakoshous

Falala lalala la la la

Join the mighty wars and battles

Falalalalaaa lala la la

* * *

Deck the halls with vollstrendichs

Falalalalaaa lala la la

Tis the season to make war

Falalalalaaa lala la la

Don we now our fancy capes

Falala lalala la la la

Join the holy war for Yhwach

Falalalalaaa lala la la

* * *

Deck the halls with resurreciones

Falalalalaaa lala la la

Tis the season to serve Aizen

Falalalalaaa lala la la

Don we now our white uniforms

Falala lalala la la la

Join the crazies in the castle

Falalalalaaa lala la la

* * *

**Author's Note**

I needed a break from the rampage of Jingle Bells parodies, so I did a three piece Deck the Halls. Oh and extra announcement, I'm just gonna dump all my Christmas carol parodies in here.


	6. The Twelve Days of Bleachmas

**12 Days of Bleachmas**

On the first day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

A super hybrid shinigami

On the third day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the third day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the fourth day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the fifth day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

_ Five person rescue teams_

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the sixth day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Six Shun Shun Rikka

_Five person rescue teams_

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the seventh day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Seven shady fullbringers

Six Shun Shun Rikka

_Five person rescue teams_

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the eighth day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Eight exiled vizard

Seven shady fullbringers

Six Shun Shun Rikka

_Five person rescue teams_

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the ninth day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Nine days of Quincy war

Eight exiled vizard

Seven shady fullbringers

Six Shun Shun Rikka

_Five person rescue teams_

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the tenth day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Ten crazed espada

Nine days of Quincy war

Eight exiled vizard

Seven shady fullbringers

Six Shun Shun Rikka

_Five person rescue teams_

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the eleventh day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Eleven outcasts for a century

Ten crazed espada

Nine days of Quincy war

Eight exiled vizard

Seven shady fullbringers

Six Shun Shun Rikka

_Five person rescue teams_

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

And a super hybrid Kurosaki

On the twelth day of Bleachmas Tite Kubo gave to me

Twelve severed arms

Eleven outcasts for a century

Ten crazed espada

Nine days of Quincy war

Eight exiled vizard

Seven shady fullbringers

Six Shun Shun Rikka

_Five person rescue teams_

Four worlds to invade

Three traitor captains

Two Zangetsu spirits

_And a super hybrid Kurosaki ~~_

* * *

**Author's Note**

I know this one is posted on its own, but I figured I'd put it here too so that you merry carolers don't miss out on it.

I've also provided an explanation for all the numbers just cause I don't want anyone doubting their authenticity at the time this was written.

**Explanations**

1 super hybrid Kurosaki –kinda obvious, Ichigo

2 Zangetsu spirits –again, kinda obvious

3 traitor captains –if you don't know this, you are way behind (Aizen, Tousen, Gin)

4 worlds to invade –Soul Society, Human World, Hueco Mundo, Hell(decided invade sounded cooler than explore and hell was technically invaded in the fourth movie)

5 person rescue teams -all the original teams were five people(Ichigo, Orihime, Uryu, Chad, Yoruichi for Rukia &amp; Ichigo, Chad, Uryu, Renji, Rukia for Orihime &amp; Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, Yoruichi, Ganju currently for Uryu)

6 Shun Shun Rikka –once more obvious

7 sneaky fullbringers –all of the bad guy role x-cution memebers (Ginjou, Riruka, Tsukishima, Jackie, Giriko, Yukio, Shishigawara)

8 exiled vaizards –you people should know this one(Shinji, Hiyori, Lisa, Love, Rose, Hachi, Kensei, Mashiro)

9 days of Quincy war –keep up with the manga people

10 crazy espada –obvious one

11 outcasts for a century –the vizards plus Urahara, Yoruichi, and Tessai

12 severed arms –because Kubo likes to cut them off, I just narrowed it down to someone else cutting the arm off without taking part of the body with the arm so I could exclude the tres bestias and make it fit, except Hachi, but his arm would have killed him if it stayed attached (Jidanbou by Gin, Chad by Yammy, Yammy by Ichigo, Grimmjow by Tousen, Ichigo by Kensei in vizard training, Nnoitra by Kenpachi, Ulquiorra by Ichigo, Uryu by Ulquiorra, Gin by Aizen, Soi fon by Omeada her leuitenant, Hachi by himself but because of Barragan, Tsukishima by Ichigo)

**Please review/comment to tell me how I did.**


	7. Quincy Bells

**Quincy Bells**

Dashing through the worlds, with a cross around my wrist

O'er to the other side, to add a new plot twist

My plan has gone all wrong, he knew it all along

All I want for Christmas is to avenge my mom

OH

Jingle bells

Ichigo smells, Yhwach laid an egg

I'm really bad at getting revenge

And Mayuri got away

* * *

**Author's Note**

Because we all know that there is only one true Quincy, Uryu! Yep, he really is bad at avenging people: tried to avenge his grandfather, failed to kill the mad man who did it and then got saved by said mad man, tried to avenge his mother, got enslaved by the mad man who killed her. Oh well, such is life.


	8. Renji the Read-haired Reaper

**Renji the Red-haired Reaper**

Renji the red-haired Reaper (Reaper)

Had some really bright red hair (like a tomato)

And if you ever saw him (saw him)

You would probably stop and stare (look, tattoos!)

All of the other reapers (reapers)

Used to laugh and call him names (like pineapple head)

They never let poor Renji (Renji)

Join in any Reaper games (like shougi)

Then one foggy dreary night, Byakuya came to say

"Renji with your hair so bright, won't you become captain tonight"

Then how his Rukia loved him (loved him)

As she shouted out with glee (Chappy!)

Renji the red-haired Reaper (Reaper)

This all one big dream (Wake up you lazy monkey!)

* * *

Renji woke with a start and swore. That was the last time he ever watched a World of the Living Christmas special.

* * *

**Author's Note**

So this one has a completely canon inspiration. Back in chapter 248 (volume 28 if you have it) Ichigo teases Renji by comparing him to Rudolph, so this was just begging to be done. I went with the modified after chorus version to get a bit more out of it. I had to go with the English dub Soul Reaper because Shinigami has too many syllables to replace reindeer, and I still had to shorten Soul REaper to Reaper. As for the Rukia bit at the end, take it however you like. I personally ship Renji and Rukia, but the wording here doesn't specify whether it's romantic or familial love, so no hating for that, got it?


	9. Kenpachi Bells

**Kenpachi Bells**

Dashing through Seireitei, looking for someone to slay

All o'er the place we go, why can't I find anybody?

We're making four lefts, now we're taking five rights

All I want for Christmas is to find someone to fight

OH

Jingle bells

I had bells, _Kenny go this way_

What the hell's a Pizza Hut?

_Hey Kenny I want candy_

* * *

**Author's Note**

You really can't have Kenpachi without Yachiru getting in there too. She's pretty much always within yelling distance of him, so the italic parts are Yachiru's. Also, Yachiru sucks at giving directions, Kenny needs a new GPS.

Anywho, if you guys want to see a parody with a certain carol and character/group theme tell me in a review or pm me and chances are I'll do it. Otherwise it's whoever comes to mind it whatever crazy way they do.


	10. Bleached Night Before Christmas

**Bleached Night Before Christmas**

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Seireitei

Everybody was stirring, no time for delay

The alarms were loudly ringing with care

Announcing for all that a ryoka was there

The shinigami were scattered about

While many were confused and began to shout

The great captains, they tried to take charge

There was defending to do with an intruder at large

When out on the streets there arose such a clatter

That all turned to look and see what was the matter

The new intruder, they moved like a flash

Terrifying all with whom they were about to clash

The moon shone down on the streets below

Giving the luster of mid-day to objects below

When what to all wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver, so lively and quick

None knew whether or not it was a trick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

"Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen!

On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild reiatsu fly,  
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky  
So up to the roof-tops the coursers they flew,  
With the sleigh, giant sack, and the old man too

And then, in a twinkling, some heard on the roof  
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof  
As some began panicking and running around  
Down the chimney the old man came with a bound

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,  
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot  
A very large sack he had flung on his back,  
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!  
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!  
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,  
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,  
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath  
He had a broad face and a little round belly,  
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,  
And they screamed when they saw him, in spite of themselves!  
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,  
Told them nothing as they felt a rising dread.

He spoke not a word, but looked about in surprise,  
As he felt a deadly aura around him rise

And looking back he saw a shining blade

And the light in his eyes, it began to fade

The fat man he fell, his killer, he frowned

He had hoped it would take more the man to be downed

And many heard screamed, without further ado

"What's the matter with you, what the hell did you do?!"

* * *

"You guys just killed Santa Claus." Ichigo states, watching as the jolly old man is restored under Orihime's Souten Kisshun. "That is _not_ how you celebrate Christmas."

* * *

**Author's Note**

This was done at the request of Hells True Mistress. I've read a version or two of a Bleached Night Before Christmas and they had Bleach characters, namely old man Yama, playing the part of Santa Claus. Not me, instead I gave you what would probably happen if Santa tried doing rounds in Seireitei. They have a 0 tolerance rule for ryoka you know. In case you didn't pick up on it, Kenpachi killed Santa, mostly because Santa was going to deliver a present to Yachiru which means he ends up in Kenpachi's territory.

Ah, I'm so messed up for doing this to Santa.

Anywho, feel free to keep making requests, I'm going to try and get more of my cross-over written so I can give those followers an update.


	11. Justice Bells

**Justice Bells**

Dashing through the path of justice, I cannot see a thing

O'er the bodies I go, the path of least blood shed that I bring

I hate violence for violence sake, though I use it for discipline

All I want for Christmas is justice, Justice, JUSTICE!

OH

Jingle bells

Grimmjow smells, Wonderweiss laid an egg

I sometimes use binoculars

Even though I'm blind

* * *

**Author's Note**

So this one was requested by Aishiburu and I thought "why the hell not?" So here it is, Justice Bells making fun of Tousen. The binoculars thing is from some one of the arrancar encyclopedia where Tousen is worried about disappearing menos. There's this really great picture somewhere of him holding up the binoculars with the words "I can't see shit" posted on it.

Anywho, keep making requests. I'll probably keep going on this until Christmas then it'll probably sit here until next Christmas season, or get an annual sequel, I don't know.


	12. Grimmjow Bells

**Grimmjow Bells**

Dashing through the sand, beating everything I see

O'er the dunes I go, no one is better than me

I am the freaking king, no matter what others say

All I want for Christmas is to beat up Ichigo

OH

Jingle bells

Ulquiorra smells, Nnoitra laid an egg

I'll get that rematch with stupid Kurosaki

'Cause that hat man swore it to me

* * *

**Author's Note**

So this one is at the request of the below average. Glad to have gotten you out of your season funk. So Grimmjow. Yeah, he's all about his dominance and being the very best(like no one ever was~dun dun dudun) so fighting and getting a rematch with Ichigo is his thing. As for the last line, if you've kept up some with the manga you'll know that in chapter 518 we had a "mysterious" arrancar that in all likelihood is Grimmjow. Yep.

Anywho, keep reviewing/commenting and leaving requests. Oh, and please give a name of some sort, not just guest. It's not the same feeling if I'm writing for "guest".


	13. Rockin' Around the Seireitei

**Rockin' Around the Seireitei**

Rockin' around the Seireitei

Having us a big old war

Can't we stop just to party?

It's what the season's for

.

You will get a terrifyin' feelin' when you hear

Ken-chan singing "Let's get drunk, yeah! Fight you for the last bottle."

.

Rockin' around the Seireitei

Have a happy holiday

Everyone's drunk as you can see

You should just run far away

.

Rockin' around the Seireitei

Let the Christmas Spirit ring

Later we'll fight each other some more

And we'll kill each other too

.

You will get a terrifyin' feelin' when you hear

Yhwach singing "Let's be crazy! Look at all my fancy eyeballs."

.

Rockin' around the Seireitei

Have a happy holiday

Everyone's drunk as you can see

You should just run far, far a-way~~~

* * *

**Author's Note**

Welcome to the holiday madness of 2015! Tis the Season, so I'm gonna try and put a few in here before the time window closes on the holidays. Requests welcome and encouraged. You can pick a character or a song or maybe even both and I might give it a try.

So as you've read, this is a _Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree_ parody because a current Bleach Christmas party could get really weird, especially when alcohol gets involved.

**Please comment/review.**


	14. Quincy Night Before Christmas

**Twas the Quincy Night Before Christmas**

Twas the night before Christmas, and all though Silbern

Screams of disgust and love round every turn

Haschwalth looked out through the window with care

He had to find out what was wrong out there

.

The soldat were absolutely frantic

Shouting about some ridiculous antic

His Majesty, he was asleep

So to poor little Haschwalth fell the job of peace to keep

.

When out on the streets there arose such a clatter

That Haschwalth knew it was the cause of the matter

The troublesome thing, it moved like a flash

Moving around and into everyone it would crash

.

The light shone down on the streets below

Giving the luster of mid-day to the objects below

When what to Haschwalth's fine eyes should appear

But a rope basket thing and eight cosplay reindeer

.

With a little old driver, so ugly and fat

He knew the only one who looked like that

More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

.

"Now Gigi! Now Bambi! Now Candi and Meni!

On Bazz-B! On Cang Du! On As Nodt and Gremmy!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

.

As dry leaves before the wild reiatsu fly,

When met with as obstacle, mount to the sky

So up to the roof-tops the coursers they flew,

With the disc, giant sack, and the fat man too

.

And then in a twinkling, some heard on the roof

The stamping and patter of each booted foot

As some began fearing what would happen now

Down the chimney the fat man came with a bow

.

And with a Voll Stern Dich, he removed all his clothes

In just underwear and boots, he struck up a pose

With a large sack he had flung on his back

He looked so disturbing some were tempted to attack

.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow

.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

His hands were together to make a small heart

Those who knew him paled when they saw the old fart

.

He was chubby and plump, a right ugly Quincy

They lamented quickly that you cannot unsee

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Left them all feeling a great sense of dread

.

He spoke not a word, but smiled with a great glee

As the heart in his hands shined bright for all to see

And all who knew him they ducked behind cover

For none of them there wanted to be his lover

.

The soldat they fell to the ugly man

And knelt at his feet according to plan

And many heard yelled with great fanfare

"Pepe, you ass, you're a nightmare!"

* * *

"And that is why we are no longer associated with Yhwach or the Vandenreich, Uryu."

"Grandfather, are you trying to scare me?"

"Yes, Uryu. Yes, I am. You must never join up with those loonies."

* * *

**Author's Note**

So I realized that my other Twas the Night Before Christmas only covers a Seireitei version, so this is a crazy Vandenreich one. No actual Santa, but instead a terrifying Pepe on Christmas love runs. Try and get that image out of your head. You're welcome. And there has to be some reason the Ishida family dropped out on Yhwach, so why not something crazy? Uryu obviously forgot this, or he figured he could handle them long enough to avenge his mom.

Anywho, I'm still open to requests for Christmas parodies if you've got'em.

**Please comment/review.**


	15. Aizen Bells

**Aizen Bells**

Dashing in my chair, I made it possible

All o'er the prison I go, because I am a troll

I monologue to myself to pass away the time

All I want for Christmas is to be the new Soul King

OH

Jingle bells

Shinigami smell, Arrancars can lay eggs

The Quincy god lost the war

And I'm still in prison

* * *

**Author's Note**

And I'm back for some more Christmas fun. It's 2016 and the first Christmas since Bleach ended, so here is the much requested Aizen Bells!


End file.
